Bay 2 Breakers

Last Sunday, I witnessed my very first Bay to Breakers. Let me recap it for you:

7:30am - leave the house dressed in our matching "flip cup champs" tank tops and booty shorts, with sweatshirts on top since it was a chilly and foggy morning.
7:45am - pick up Starbucks for a little caffeine boost
7:50am - find a bar for some shots of Bailey's to add to our coffees.
7:55am - while waiting at the bar, we have our first nudist sighting. A 60+ man walks in to the bar wearing nothing but a backpack, and asks us if we'll take his picture ordering a beer.
8am - wander out to the crowd gathered toward the beginning of the course. The sun is out and it starts to warm up. Sip our Bailey's and coffees and observe all the costumes/naked people.

Natalie is PUMPED:


People start throwing tortillas out of the apartments above us:


The crowd (including children) stares in awe:


Tortillas litter the street:


Oh look! It's a Turkey Dinner!


We met up with friends who were dressed as cowboys and indians (complete with a covered wagon containing 2 kegs) and slowly started on our way. There was a major shortage of port-a-potties, so this wall turned into a makeshift men's bathroom:



We made it halfway through-just to our neighborhood-before we called it quits and went home to continue the party. It was like nothing I had ever seen before. My favorite part was the people dressed as salmon that started at the end and ran "upstream" to the beginning of the race.

Emily stops to bust a move with this dude:


I don't know him, but this doesn't look too good...



All in all, quite a day.

Best Gift of the Day

I Like You
by Sandol Stoddard Warburg

I like you
And I know why
I like you because
You are a good person
To like
I like you because
When I tell you something special
You know it's special
And you remember it
A long long time
You say
Remember when you told me
Something special
And both of us remember
When I think something is important
You think it's important too
We have good ideas
When I say something funny
You laugh
I think I'm funny and
You think I'm funny too
Hah-hah
I like you because
You know where I'm ticklish
And you don't tickle me there
except
Just a tiny but
sometimes
stop
stop stop
help
help
But if you do then I know where to tickle you too
HELP
You know how to be silly
That's why I like you
Boy are you ever silly
I never met anybody sillier than me
till I met you
I like you because
You know when it's time to stop being silly
Maybe day after tomorrow
Maybe never
Oops too late
it's quarter past silly
We fool around the same way all the time
Sometimes we don't say a word
We snurkle under fences
We spy secret places
If I am a goofus on the roofus
Hollering my head off
You are one too
If I pretend I am drowning
You pretend you are saving me
If I am getting ready to pop a paper bag
Then you are getting ready to jump
HOORAY
That's because
You really like me
You really like me
Don't you
And I really like you back
And you like me back
And I like you back
And that's the way we keep on going
Every day
If you go away
then I go away too
Or if I stay home
You send me a postcard
You don't just say
Well see you around
Some time
Bye
I like you a lot
because of that
If I go away
I send you a postcard too
And I like you because
If we go away together
And if we are in Grand Central Station
And if I get lost
Then you are the one that is yelling for me
Hey where are you
Here I am
And I like you because
When I am feeling sad
You don't always cheer me up right away
Sometimes it is better to be sad
You can't stand the others being so googly and gaggly
every single minute
You want to think about things
It takes time
I like you because if I am mad at you
Then you are mad at me too
It's awful when the other person isn't
Phooey
They are so nice and hoo-hoo you could just about
punch them in the nose
I like you because if I think I am going to
throw up then you are really sorry
You don't just pretend you are busy looking at
the birdies and all that
You say maybe it was something you ate
You say the same thing happened to me one time
And the same thing did
If you find two four leaf clovers
You give me one
If I find four
I give you two
If we only find three
We keep on looking
Sometimes we have good luck
And sometimes we don't
If I break my arm and
If you break your arm too
Then it is fun to have a broken arm
I tell you about mine
You tell me about yours
We are both sorry
We write our names and draw pictures
We show everybody and they wish they had a broken arm too
I like you because
I don't know why but
Everything that happens
Is nicer with you
I can't remember when I didn't like you
It must have been lonesome then
I like you because because because
I forget why I like you
But I do
So many reasons
On the Fourth of July I like you because
It's the Fourth of July
On the Fifth of July
I like you too
If you and I had some drums
And some horns and some horses
If we had some hats and some
Flags and some fire-engines
We could be a HOLIDAY
We could be a CELEBRATION
We could be a WHOLE PARADE
See what I mean?
Even if it was the nine-hundred-and-ninety-ninth of July
Even if it was August
Even if it was way down at the bottom of November
Even if it was no place particular in January
I would go on choosing you
And you would go on choosing me
Over and over again
That's how it would happen every time
I don't know why
I guess I don't know why I like you really
Why do I like you
I guess I just like you
I guess I just like you
Because I like you



Gifted by Leslie Jauch. I like her.

It's your day

Happy Birthday, Lilly!

Here is a poem for you:

* * *
today you are a woman
tomorrow you are a lady
forever you are my big sister

i will always snuggle you
and rub your soft arm like a creep
i will annoy you by eating your food and drinking your diet coke
you will get angry and get road rage and punch me
especially when i change songs without your permission

but i will always think that things that are yours are also mine
aren't they?
i think that way because you're just so kind and generous
like natalie merchant says

when you call me a little photo of your face shows up
i can't make that happen for anyone else!
so everyday when you call, i see you
and i like that
because you're pretty and stylish

move to my coast so we can be close
i will buy you a puppy
* * *

Not sure where I'd be without you, Lils. Yous my rock.

See you in a month.

xo Fuzzy

Stolen

I stayed at work late on Wednesday. I spent my overtime (not paid) browsing TMZ/USA Today for juicy news that would prepare me for Quiz Night at Crocodile Lounge so I could impress my old coworkers with my trivia skills. Then I made a stop at Forever 21 and stood in a line of 20+ NYU students so I could try on a pair of skinny bright blue jeans.

The moment I stepped into the fitting room and pulled back the curtain, my phone started vibrating. It was Kayla.

“HAVE YOU BEEN HOME YET?”

“No, why?"

“I THINK WE GOT ROBBED.”

The moment she said robbed, she hung up. I dropped everything I was holding and stared at myself in the mirror.

I have experienced a feeling similar to this very few times. It’s like everything tingles and then you’re numb. It feels like you have no control of your body and can’t form words or think or feel or live.

I called Kayla back.

“We did get robbed. This is not an April Fools joke, Mary Clare. I think you need to come home. Right now.”

I immediately called my Mother and the melt down began. I pushed though crowds of people – shaking and talking a million miles a minute. I finally collapsed on the steps in Union Square – in between protesters and skateboarders – and started sobbing.

I don’t remember getting home, but I’m pretty sure the whole train was staring at my clenched fists and swollen eyes.

Breakdown two happened when I realized they broke in through my locked bedroom window, knocking down all of my books and crushing a picture of Evelyn as a baby that I had in a white frame. They ransacked through our bedrooms - pulling apart our desks and drawers and moving furniture – leaving with our computers, cameras, jewelry, iPods, speakers and video camera.

Kayla and I go back and forth between anger/sad breakdowns to just being thankful we're safe.

I just want this mess to be over. I hate the quietness of the apartment and having to surf the Internet on my BlackBerry. I hate that all my photos and writing and music is gone. I hate that I was going to convert all the high8 video tapes from Vegas/the cabin/Chicago/Green Bay into DVDs for all my friends, and now I can't. I hate having to sleep with Kayla because I'm scared and I hate watching her hide the last of her precious possessions in the closet when we leave the apartment. I hate how we're all paranoid.

And with all the hates, there's a nice balance of love. We have renters insurance and I have the most wonderful and supportive family and friends in the world.

Not sure what I'd do without all the loves in my life - they keep me floating.

Google Stalking Danielle Steel

This weekend I walked past Danielle Steel's house. It's this massive property at the top of a huge hill in Pacific Heights that takes up half the block. Since most of it is surrounded by a giant hedge, I couldn't resist checking out the bird's eye view. The grass is looking a little sparse. Shouldn't she have some Fabio-like gardeners out there working their magic? And look at the huge greenhouse! Or is that a pool? Hmm. Ok, now I feel like a stalker.

I actually knew very little about Ms. Steel before wikipediaing her just now. She's had quite a dramatic life, and who knew she had so many children?

Also, this is fun for about 5 minutes. I got these titles:

Enjoying His Russian Impression
Exposing His Eternal Hatred
Mixing Up the Justice
Stuck At Her Midsummer's Body
Digging Up the Smooth Being
Living With The Blonde Thoughts
Nick's Familiar Sword
Forgetting Her Uncontrollable Mustache

My new get-rich-quick scheme: become a trashy romance novelist. "Living With the Blonde Thoughts" will be my debut novel. It can't be that hard...but could I live with myself? In a house like hers? I think so.

Is Somebody Being Patriotic Over Here...?

It was St Patrick's Day. This made Kevin want to take his shirt off, which somehow attracted a novelty hat-wearing conspiracy theorist. It also made me discover the video mode on my digital camera (that I've had for over a year now)

Oh, and Kevin somehow got the big guy to take his shirt off too. Fortunately, that moment was not captured on film.

We're all here

I spent my afternoon with Wendy and Kitty. Wendy is rehearsing with her new band mates, The Bad Plus. Kitty is here for Spring Break. We spent the day eating cheap and buying cheap. How lovely it is to have family-like folks in town.

And the loveliness is not ending soon. Momma Rita and Auntie Madge get into town on Wednesday.

Plans include Blue Note, MoMA, 3 hour boat tour of the city, wandering through all of Brooklyn in hopes of finding Hannah and me a neighborhood to live in come September, eating and some quality mother/daughter time. I can't wait to have this woman living on my futon for the week/end:

I like these boys.

Vampire Weekend lives up to the hype. I can't stop listening. Fuzz, go make friends with them so we can all hang out when I come to visit.

BFF Birthdays

These are three of my best friends that live in Minneapolis. It's their birthdays - they're all (almost) 24.

They're the bestest friends a girl could ask for, and it would take a lot more than a blog post to say why. So instead, I will tell a fun story about each of them.

Happy belated Birthday, Linnea!


One Saturday night at Brother's, we found ourselves in the middle of a dance-off. Usually we have these in the bag - but this group was tough. Just when I thought we were going to have to forfeit to breath and get a glass of water, Linnea entered the circle. She looked around, smiled and squatted down low to get momentum for an enormous jump. Linnea didn't land the jump on her feet - she landed in the splits. The competitors left the dance floor.

Happy almost real birthday, Kristine!


One evening during finals week our freshman year, Kristine decided to go to the club (either The Bird or Cancun, I forget which). On her way home (at 2:30 AM), she thought she'd stop at Domino's for a pie. The door was open, but nobody was home! So Kristine decided to make her own meal - she sauced/cheesed/pepperonied up a pizza and threw it in the oven. While waiting for it to bake, she answered drunk phone calls from frats wanting food and cleaned up the kitchen. Then she turned off the oven and the lights, and walked home with her homemade pizza.

Happy early Birthday, Claire!


On the way to Rockford for our high school's homecoming football game (1999), the cheerleaders stopped for lunch at a sit down diner. I sat across from Claire and next to Kiley. Claire is notorious for having the best and most descriptive stories (i.e. the story about when her car got shot 3 times, the story about the week-o-tickets when she got a parking ticket, went to fight the ticket and got a parking ticket while doing so, then got a speeding ticket, then almost got a ticket for "rolling a stop sign" then...). So Claire's telling a funny one and I start choking on my pickle. I can't breath or stop laughing. I finally cough it up and it hits Claire in the neck. Kiley pukes. Claire pukes. Then we go cheer our boys on!

---
When I think about how much these three mean to me, my heart fills up to the brim and then spills over with happiness.

Sadly I'm unable to make it to the big birthday celebration this Saturday. So I'm spending the week in mourning, reminiscing alone with my iPhoto...














I love you, girls. I hope you have the happiest year yet.

XO

Damn the Man

My plan tonight was simple: groceries, gym, laundry. I know, my life is so glamorous. However, after throwing a load in the wash, I realized I needed to reload my card. (This laundry room doesn't take quarters, only cards that can be filled with $10 or $20 at a time. LAME.)

I went to the machine only to find that it was missing. Apparently, the machine had been stolen, and until it was replaced, cards could be purchased in the rental office for $40. Who wants to put $40 on a laundry card at once? And furthermore, who is available between the hours of 9am and 6pm to purchase these cards? This is why I hate my apartment management company.

So I was left with the dilemma of the wet laundry. I don't know any of my neighbors (and after seeing a tranny in the elevator last weekend, I don't think I want to) so I couldn't borrow a laundry card. I remembered a scene in Uncle Buck, where he dries laundry in the microwave, but that seemed like too much work. So I ended up draping wet laundry on every available surface in my apartment.

I would include a picture, but it just looks way too pathetic in here.

Sky Blue Sky

One of the best things about living in San Francisco is getting out of the city on the weekends. As much as I love it, the dirt, the smells, the cement, the noise, and the people can all wear you down. It's always good to get out, whether it's north or south, and see some wide open spaces.

Last Saturday morning, after a low-key night in, four girls woke up feeling well rested and without hangovers. This is a rare occasion, so we decided to break from our usual brunch/shopping/lounging routine and go for a hike.

The day was gorgeous, and afterward we sat on the beach with beers and champagne, and watched the sunset. So romantic. I guess it was our belated Valentine date, since Emily was too sick to join the rest of us for dinner on Thursday. I love these girls.

Call a motherf*cking exterminator.

Last night at 12:30 AM I was awoken by banging, stomping and shrieking. I assumed that Kayla had just arrived home from her weekend in Minneapolis, and although all I did this weekend was sleep, I was pissed that she was being so loud. That is, until I received the following text message: Oh my GOD. We have a mouse in our house.

Look - my skin is tough (sort of). I've killed live cockroaches and picked up dead ones. I've had a fat rat cut me off while I tried to run up the steps of the Houston subway stop. I've eaten an entire bowl of cereal with milk that had expired a week prior. I've had a homeless man chase me. I've seen two men throw up on the subway and one almost die. I've even walked down the streets of NYC barefoot - a place where mice/cockroaches/rats do, too.

But honestly, nothing could have prepared me for last night's text message.

Kayla busted into my bedroom seconds after the text was sent. I could only make out her silhouette - her dark arms flailing in the air, body shaking. The story went like this: she walked into her bedroom, suitcase in hand and flipped on the lights just as the mouse zipped across the floor, landing safely behind her TV.

We screamed together and expressed how much we hated this city (it's a love/hate relationship, as you know). Then all we could think/talk about was the episode of Sex and the City where the mouse runs across Carrie's face as she's sleeping. And then all we could think/talk about was, why was the mouse in her room? She's clean. SO CLEAN. And I'm messy. SO MESSY. Sometimes I eat in my bed!

Does that mean there is a little mouse family living amongst my piles of t-shirts and dirty jeans?

I'm looking for someone to tell me what to do. Because I just can't do this. I can't. What's next? An albino rat?

Evelyn Considers the West Coast

The whole point of the weekend was to tour the campus of UC Berkeley, but she didn't actually do that until the day they left. The rest of the weekend was spent cruising around the area, enjoying the weather, the ocean, the hills, the Haight...

She loved Haight-Ashbury (as we all knew she would) and tried repeatedly for a good picture of the street signs at the intersection. Unfortunately, the light wasn't quite right.

She did admire this lovely wall of graffiti though.

The girl is halfway through her junior year, and I'm wondering where she'll venture after high school. Hopefully out here. I think everyone would agree that she has a very west-coast personality. She would love Berkeley, and I would love having her just across the bay.

Then maybe we could convince the rest of the clan to follow...

Golden Valley Man Supports Local Shoeshiner

While strolling through the delightfully authentic Fisherman's Wharf area of San Francisco, Michael Jensen was approached by a man peddling his shoe-shining skills. Mr. Jensen politely declined, but the man persisted on.

"I bet I could tell you where those shoes come from," he said. "If I get it right, will you be honest with me?"

Unbeknownst to the shoeshiner, Mr. Jensen values honesty above all else. "Of course I'll be honest with you," he said.

The man bent down to get a closer look, and immediately squirted shoe-shine goo on Mr. Jensen's left foot. "They come from your foot!" he said.

At that point, Mr. Jensen had no choice but to let the man shine his shoes. After all, they were looking a little lackluster from the daily wear, and this restored a nice, healthy sheen. When asked for a comment, Mr. Jensen chuckled.

"He got me. He got me good," he said.

Dear Evelyn,

Seventeen years ago, you were born.

I have a vivid memory of that night in '91 - it involves me sleeping in your crib because someone needed my bed. I remember really enjoying that night's rest in a fetal position and waking up early to go visit you at the hospital.

You were the cutest baby in the world.


And now you're the cutest seventeen year old in the world.


I wish I were home to give you a hug and eat your birthday cake. You're my wise little sister and I love you so.

Happy Birthday.

xoxo Fuzzy

Happy Birthday, Mr. Jensen

This guy turns a year older today. Sadly, the only picture I have of him is Christmas 2006, the year he got his first iPod. Did you ever get used to those headphones, dad?

Well, I hope you had a fantastic birthday. And don't worry, life is only going to get better each year. Just think, you have this to look forward to:


I see your future.

!Feliz Navidad!

Hope all your Christmas' were joyful. So joyful that you took off your shoes and jumped! We did. Although, this photo is from 2006.

The Jensen Christmas was delightful. Lilly made a 4-layer Devil's Food Cake and Apple Pie and Rita cooked salmon with shallots and fennel which made everyone happy and full. We watched Arrested Development and Keeping up with the Kardashians as a family and opened gifts - some of which included a baby iPod, kitchen supplies, Tiffany bracelets, a box set of The Grateful Dead, and painting classes for Poppa Mike.

It's been a whirl and I'm sad to say that it's coming to an end. Lilly leaves tomorrow afternoon, Mike & Rita go back to work and Evelyn will continue to chill with her homeslices. I will be stuck here without a car, a fluffy pillow to sleep on, or hair conditioner. But I'm okay with that.

Holiday Party

Last week we had a mini work Holiday Party. It was a splendid time - a lot of dips, dranks, charades and BOOGIE! on wii. Also, I turned into a roller skating nun! Wow!

The moment I slipped on those sparkly pink (too small) roller skates, I was transported back to my childhood. Not to the days spent playing fairies, falling out of trees or swimming for long periods of time in Lake Superior, but to the times spent roller skating in circles to The Chipettes record in the laundry room. Lil was always Brittany (the hot one) and I was always Eleanor (the fat one). I always wanted to be Brittany, but thinking back to Lil's claims at why I was "so Eleanor" totally make sense now. She ate a lot and had white hair.

The World Wide Web: My Favorites

As of one hour ago, this was my favorite Web site. My Momma introduced it to me years ago and I was immediately hooked. I'm not sure what makes it so appealing - my love for Peter Pan or for creepy weird people that make costumes and then take pictures wearing them.

Pixie Man was good, but I have found something even better. I bring you, Sugar Bush.